Lady Culture

makeupThe only way I’d be caught without makeup is if my radio fell in the bathtub while I was taking a bath and electrocuted me and I was in between makeup at home. I hope my husband would slap a little lipstick on me before he took me to the morgue.

Ladies, we are a confusing species, and unfortunately as we get older, we only get more confusing, more irrationally emotional, and more obsessed with painting on a veil of beauty that covers up and idealization of the ‘real you’, and blemishes… it also covers blemishes.

In the last 5 years, I have come to realize that women are NUTS! We are. We develop these strange and wonderful cultures and customs that make no sense, require YEARS of studying, and keep us from escaping the societal barriers of normality. For example, I can freeze my eggs until I’m 103 and have found the ‘perfect man’ which will probably be a fat vibrator with 98 different settings, 6 sound effects and comes with a Ryan Gosling movie (any will do!); I NEED a tool set in any baby hue, specifically pink even though i know that a) I’m never going to use the contents of this tool set aside from when i have to face the giant spider revolution that is surely coming my way, and b) a set of heels and a butter knife have come in handy more than once when putting my IKEA furniture together; and my natural face, skin tone and color is something that must NEVER, and i do mean NEVER see the light of day if i want to meet Mr. Right, or even Mr. Right now.

Why? Why is being of the female gender so difficult? Why is there so much make up, maintenance and time required for me to look slightly more attractive than The Grinch’s backside? And why is this stuff not taught to you when you are little and wanting to look like Madonna, Marylin Monroe or Kim Kardashian?

I am baffled by those girls that have seemingly stumbled into a plethora of knowledge when it comes to applying 3/4 of a ton of make up to their faces. How did they do it!? I have never really been interested in all things girly. I mean i love my shoes, i like looking pretty, and i like getting all dolled up. But my main problem is that i don’t know how…

Make up to me is foreign soil. I would happily compare it to how guys feel in the tampon isle. All the different colors, brands, textures and purposes. I mean do we really need bulking mascara? What is bulking mascara, and why am i paying $30 for a small tube? I love looking at the girls in the magazines and jealously stroking their perfectly foundation-ed faces, their smokey eyes and red velvet lips. But i just don’t’ have enough knowledge to do it myself.

I have scaled all of YouTube trying to find the perfect ‘make up tutorials’ only to find that half of these tutorials require prior knowledge of how to contour, highlight, blend and cat eye your eyeliner like a pro! I mean, really. It shouldn’t be that hard to slap on some foundation, run a pencil across the rim of my eyes and add a dash of color to my cheeks and eyelids. I’m smart. I have invested in my brain. I do have a vagina and therefore the emotions and urges that come with it. But i when i try, even to add something new to my look, i more often than not look like i have been shot in the face with Homer’s make up gun, with the setting not on whore, but on cheap back alley $2 whore. I must have been outside the door when they were giving this talent away.

maxresdefaultIs make up really this hard? The relationship between women and makeup is a bumpy one. at one time, cosmetics signified that you were a whore. Red lips, hazy eyes. These traits symbolized and identified you as a harlot; a women of the night; sexually available and disease riddled (probably). But as the idea of beauty changed so did our perceptions. Make up became a staple in our homes. Men liked how we looked flawless, how our eyes mimicked the darkness of his whiskey, our lips matched our labia and how fantastically sweet we smelled. This idea has since followed us from the 18th century into the 21st and there is no sign that is will slow down. Now there is permanent makeup, eyeliner tattooing and so forth. God help you if you wake up next to a man you have causally taken home from a dank nightclub and your face is slightly smudged! Troll alert!

There is nothing wrong with wearing make up. I myself would love to apply smokey eyes with ease and not look like i have been crying for days. But the obsession with looking flawless, perfect and porceline-doll-like is a little bit overwhelming for me. The tubes, viles, compacts, pencils, and kits that i need to invest in all to go on a date is, well its concerning.

makeup 2I like wearing make up, getting all done up and watching the guy or friends i am going to meet smile brightly at how wonderful i look. But i would like to express that all girls are not as educated in the art of make up, winged eyeliner and bronzer as others. And if, god forbid, you see me with no make up on. Looking natural, pale and possessing dark circles under my eyes, its probably because i have better things to do at 6 in the morning than smear crap all over my face. Men, you have it easy. You wake up, shower (sometimes) run your fingers through your hair and that’s it! Women, we are insane. We know it. But the end result, no matter how many times you had to redo your eyeliner, is worth it.

Posted in beauty, Blog, Blogging, culture, Health & Wellness, Life, Lifestyle, makeup, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

The Thief of Time

How-To-Stop-ProcrastinatingProcrastination is one of the most common and deadliest of diseases, and its toll on success and happiness is heavy.  – Wayne Gretsky

 

Imagine the following scenario: Your alarm goes off at 6am so you have enough time to get up out of bed, get ready and look less like the dawning of a zombie apocalypse;  but instead of rolling your butt out of bed, welcoming the day with a glum expression at this hour of the morning, you hit the snooze button. Five minutes pass, and you hit the snooze button again. And again. And again. Until 45 minutes has passed; there is now officially no time for you to look anything less like a homeless cat lady, or even prepare something nutritious to eat. Instead you jolt out of bed, splash some water on your face and sprint – and i do mean sprint – in the hope that you wont’ be late for the 3rd time this month.

Sound familiar?

Procrastination. Everybody does it. To the girl in your class that always looks like a bag lady (i.e. me); to the guy at the coffee hut who puts off his assignments to the last-minute, hands in a sub-par effort and then complains that he will never go anywhere in life. No human can resist the urge to procrastinate, from small menial tasks like washing (come on, who wants to come home from work or spend their only day off doing chores!), to bigger life events like parties, study, work and paying bills (reminder: open the letter from the electricity company… maybe…). But why do we do it?

As humans, we are naturally drawn to novelty; new and interesting activities and objects stimulate our pleasure centers, while routine and mundane tasks have just the opposite effect, hence the eagerness to ignore washing those dishes and eat off this sort of clean, week old pizza box… it’s still good right?

Some people find that they are chronic procrastinators, unable to complete any mundane task no matter how vital it may be to their daily functioning. Their idea of “self-care” may include a new membership to the climbing gym, but at the same time they might neglect items like laundry, grocery shopping, bill paying, and household chores.  Psychology today suggests that there are other emotions and/or mental states that accompany chronic procrastination. The most common ones are sad, angry, or depressed about various aspects of their lives. These different moods and emotions interfere with our concentration and focus and therefore, hello Facebook!

Procrastinate-feature_0But is it just that we procrastinators are bored. Is it that we are putting off certain tasks because we don’t’ want to identify with what real meaning those tasks have – a conventional, mundane, unexciting life. We wake, we eat, we work, we sleep….. We don’t want to morph into REAL adults. Which, realistically, isn’t as amazing as our youthful vibrant selves imaging (prove me wrong). Are we trying desperately to hold onto spontaneity, freedom from responsibility… youth?

I think so, and so does Maggie Heath from Lifehack who suggests there are 9 different reasons why we procrastinate. Daydreaming over your TV heart throb is unfortunately not one of them. But wanting to maintain control, being a perfectionist, fear of failing, and laziness are.

Aside from sitting here and running a microscope over my personality flaws (I did that on Sunday), is there a way to cure ones procrastinatory ways? I know, when i have to, I’ll get in there and get the job done, but can i do it without the feeling of urgency? Can i do it without that deadline looming over my head like a puppet master, and I’m the puppet!

Is there a way to put off putting off?

procrastinationYES! Apparently its a very simplistic answer, which i will share with you all. Put down your cell phones; close Facebook; stop tweeting on Twitter; turn off or hide away all distractions and just get started. That’s it. Just do it.

When we put off today what we can do tomorrow, we’re setting an intention based on the idea that a task will be more appealing or feel more do-able at some time in the future than it is right now. But it turns out that tomorrow is actually a lot more like today than we think.  It’s a combination of “It just feels better not to do this right now” and the often misguided “I’m going to (want to) do it tomorrow” that can lead many of us to put off tasks again and again.

So to stop procrastinating from life, we need to start living it. Perform the mundane and routine tasks of washing, cleaning, working and gyming. Participate in the horrid office meetings, monthly lunches and bi-yearly weekend picnics. Set time for ourselves, whether it be for university studies, a day of shopping or an Xbox marathon with the boys. We can’t procrastinate our lives away… although i think i have given it one hell of a go.

No excuses. No step-by-step guide. Just do it.

 

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The Celebration of Organized Love

Image result for Velentines DayFebruary 14th has become the MOST anxious, expensive, and least romantic day of the year.

What are your thoughts on organized love? The thought of somebody, or something commanding you to confess your affections at a particular time, or day. Giving gifts of chocolates, roses, and sweet smelling perfumes all so you can tell your partner, cat or self, that you love them. Its ridiculous right? Well that’s basically what Valentines Day is. A day specifically catered to ‘love’, or the ideals behind love.

I’m not shunning Valentine’s Day, nor will i go off on a tangent and tell you how I’ve never really experienced the “OMG I can’t believe he did that. He is the one!” movie style Valentine’s Day; i think the ideals behind Valentine’s Day are lovely. Even if traditionally it was a festival of fertility. But i just don’t like the idea of FORCING people to love you at that particular moment in time. The idea of organized love, similarly to organized fun like theme parks and carnivals, is ludicrous. If i want to confess my love to someone, or even my strong like-ness for them, i want to do it on my own schedule. I want no stress. No expectations and definitely no Hallmark greeting card that can one-up me.

Love is meant to be spontaneous, messy, unpredictable and occasionally sticky. It should never be perfect; or organized. It should just happen. Everyone wants one of those stories they tell their friends or families and Valentines Day is ruining it!

 

Now I know what you are all thinking. I’m the crazy cat lady, who hates men, hates love and spews words of hate at the cute couples that walk hand in hand, calling each other awkward pet names like ‘Wobbly-Butt’. But I’m not. I’m a regular girl, who likes to feel special, feel loved and above all, fell like the most beautiful person in the world through your eyes. I don’t like the idea of being a chore, or being something you can just tick off your ‘To-Do List’. Valentine’s Day to me, ruins the spontaneity that relationships once had. It takes away the pizazz, and replaces it with a heart shaped box of chocolates, a sappy card and a overly soft teddy bear. It takes the originality out of love.

Just think about it. What did you do for Valentine’s Day last year? Did you go out for a romantic dinner? Did you get a nice bunch of flowers that made you feel on top of the world all day? Did someone even say they loved you? If you answered yes to all three of these, then i rest my case. If you answered no to all of these, then i will show you what Valentine’s Day is really about!

What’s your plans for Valentine’s Day 2015?

 

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Sex, Drugs & All-nighters

late nightEarly to bed and early to rise,

makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.

WRONG-O! What if i were to tell you that those old wives tales that your parents used to tell you when you were little in order to get you in bed, and out of their hair, are incorrect? You wouldn’t believe me right? You would probably think i was just trying to blow some fantastical smoke up my own backside for self importance reasons, yeah? Well then you would be wrong… again. Recent studies performed by various researchers in Oxford and Cambridge University has discovered that not only are the illustrative Night Owls of higher intelligence than their Morning Lark counter parts, but are more open towards sexual exploration, sexual expression, and drug use.

Sexual exploration and expression are all part of life. You are born with something dangling between your legs, or neatly tucked away inside yourself; you have the natural urge to figure out what it does; you inevitably like what it does, and therefore you continue to find or do things that bring around the same feelings of euphoria, pleasure and release. And with sexual exploration comes open-mindedness; now, why are these open-minded people so hard to find – or look like they haven’t seen a shower in several months? It’s probably because they are all huddled together in a large 8-person high orgi, drinking champagne from delicate glass flutes and eating chocolate truffles (talk about pleasure!) In order to be open-minded one must have a certain level of intelligence, because the ability to engage in an open sex life comes with abilities of introspection, logical though and reasoning, which require some level of intelligence, all of which is, if you think about it, reasonably true.

sex drugs rock and rollDrugs. The second part of the “genius trifecta”. Oxford and Cambridge Scholars have stated that smarter people are more likely to do drugs – smoke pot or do a line – when compared to the average Joe. According to many studies, this is because, and also quite an entertaining thought, smarter people are less likely to make “smart” decisions, however they are more likely to pursue the more evolutionary novel choice, or the choice that opens up their mind further so as to experience more of what life, love and people have to offer. We all have that one friend that could potentially break the double encrypted code to the CIA’s mainframe, access and rig lottery numbers or simple get you a better interest rate on your mortgage without having to look at your finances, who makes AWFUL decisions. GENIUS! They have an innate ability to inherently expand their horizons, get more out of life and experience every inch of the universe; while you sit at home… drinking your night time tea and readying yourself for your usual 9.30PM bedtime. Additionally, Psychology Today  states that those with an IQ of 125 of higher are exponentially more likely to use drugs.

The third and final part of our cerebral triforce is that of late nights, which play a leading role in the lives of smart people. Cramming the night before an exam. Finishing your thesis paper at 2 in the morning are all normal to the highly mentally developed. “Why The Night Owl Is More Intelligent,” published in the journal Psychology And Individual Differences, says that for several millennia humans have been largely conditioned to work during the day and sleep at night. Those that buck the trend, the paper suggests “…that more intelligent individuals may be more likely to acquire and espouse evolutionarily novel values and preferences than less intelligent individuals.” Additionally, the paper goes on to state that those who are more liberal and more inclined towards atheism are more likely to be intelligent, probably because of the open-mindedness.

Essentially, if you are more free thinker, always up for trying something new, pushing your boundaries and thinking introspectively, you’re most likely intelligent. There is significant evidence to suggest that if you spend less time hitting the books, and more time doing a line of cocaine off your girlfriend or boyfriends naked derriere until the wee hours of the morning, you are probably a prodigy! Or an addict… but lets go with the prodigy status. So what are you waiting for? So if you’re getting laid at 3am on Sunday morning and have a full bowl packed beside the bed and you aren’t going to church the next day, you’re probably a genius.

Posted in Blog, Blogging, Entertainment, Life, Lifestyle, Nature, Psychology, Science | Tagged , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

OTT on PC

Politically-Correct1Can you remember the days where you would wake up in a cold sweat, eyes frantically searching the room, breath quick, and hands trembling after a nightmare? Presumably when you where a child. What was the first thing you did? Aside from hope to God that monster under your bed doesn’t reach up and grab you, sucking you into his dark and treacherous world. You would call out to your parents, or siblings. Or run into their rooms screaming bloody murder. Usually, depending on your age, you would be welcomed into the warm niche that was your parents bed, snuggling up to their warm bodies. Safe from the monsters and cretins that haunted your room and safe to go back into blissful slumber. You were safe. You felt safe and that feeling never changes. So why the hell is it now an issue of perversion if a child is found in bed with his/her parents? Why is it now wrong to teach children the real nursery rhymes, like Baa-baa black sheep? Why is it morally wrong to utter terms such as blackboard, Christmas or manholes? And when the hell did we become so obsessed with political correctness?

It’s becoming ridiculous! I mean, take the nursery rhyme Baa-baa black sheep for example. There are such things as black sheep. They are real. They exist. The rhyme itself has nothing to do with race, ethnicity or culture, it’s about sheep. Plain and simple. So why change an entire rhyme to reflect a multicultural community when the song isn’t even about communities. It’s about sheep! It’s ridiculous, very ignorant. The term ‘black’ has no racial connotation to it unless you solely give it one. It’s a shade. Are we going to ban the color black? Are we going to change black tea or black coffee to something more multicultural suited? I can just see the new Starbucks “Hi, yes can i order 3 of your inked coffee’s; one of them a triple shot. Can i also order a shaded tea, and can i get 2 sugars in that as well please? Oh and a chocolate chip muffin to please”. What an utter waste of life.

Additionally, I read an article with regards to Sia’s latest video “Elastic Heart” and I really can’t understand what people see as inappropriate in it. Yes a 28-year-old and a 12-year-old are dancing in skin colored body suites. There is no sexual connotations surrounding the dancing, nor is there any hint of sexual provocativeness between the two actors. I saw the video clip as more of an animalistic clip, especially with both Shia LeBouf and Maddie Ziegler hissing and pulling faces at each other during the ‘cage fight’. Baboons and other primates do similar things in order to assert dominance, play, fight or even find their own kin. Social media went into uproar sprouting hateful and incorrect messages of pedophilia, child abuse and perversion. It’s an interpretive dance!

siaThis society is obsessed with seeing the evil or the morally wrong in situations that now it’s harder to find whats right. I understand that there are those out there who are perverse, who are offended by certain terms, but we have taken politically correctiveness too far. What will the future be like? Fathers scared to hold their children’s hands in fear of being labelled a pervert. Teachers and schools banning black markers and coloring implements with a fear that a child may go crazy and draw a black person. We have gone over the top on politically correct. Overdosed on the fear of unacceptability.

I would like to pose a question, in light of all the politically correctivness that’s apparently society requires nowadays – what if the reason behind you seeing all of this perversion; the reason behind you feeling offended by nursery rhymes or the feeling that we need to change everything, even the names of colors, in order to promote a more multiculturally acceptable community, is because that’s what you choose to see? You choose to see the bad, the ugly and the offensive. You choose to see the 28-year-old abusing the 12-year-old in a dance. You choose to see the words gay, black, manhole and Christmas as negative. You choose to see the world as perverse, wrong and morally incorrect. But what if you didn’t?

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What is a writer? – Identification of a subspecies

failed_writerA writer. Simply defined as a person who writes, but is that the true definition? I have often pondered this question and then the associating questions that ultimately follow, but regardless how often i muse on the topic, I’m still at a loss for words. To write, in my opinion, is essentially that, to write. But that means every person who can construct a sentence is writer, and personally I think there is something much deeper about being a writer then just scribbling sentences on a pen scored page.

To me, being a writer is something of a release. It’s a sense of freedom. I’m essentially writing my story. It’s my words, my imagination, my feelings, fears and struggles; it’s my construct. There are no rules, no limitations, no necessary items or events that i have to include, I’m completely free to write to my hearts content. But in addition to this, i also believe that your attitude and determination plays some part in the definition of writer.

Everybody wants their voice to be heard. Similarly, everybody has a story that needs to be shared. It can be of great sorrow, great joy, great achievement or even something funny that you have seen, heard or even done. Everybody has a story, and it’s your job, no, prerogative as a writer to see that those stories see the light of day. The level of determination, your attitude and what you are willing to sacrifice is essentially, in my opinion, what separates the writer from the everybody.

I never thought i could be a writer, i mean i have written plenty of assignments, waffled on about medical marvels, criminological studies and the importance of including them into today’s society, but i never thought that i had anything to offer, never really thought that i had a story worth sharing, or a story that no body had heard before.Which is essentially, what you want. You want someone to open the cover, read the first few sentences and be transported to another world; experience things they have never experienced; feel things that they have never felt; sense the hairs on the back of their neck stand to attention at the peak horrific climax; and not be able to stop. But i had never done that, i had never… free balled. As graphic as that image may be, its a pretty valid description. Everything that i had ever written was a construct of someone else; their ideas, their marvels, their story. I was trapped. I felt as if i was in a never ending loop, the sleepless nights, the hours chained to my desk punishing myself, the smell of stale coffee. It was horrific. I was miserable, frustrated but most importantly i felt invisible.  I knew that i was worth so much more, i knew, like many of you out there, that i had something to say, so i said it.

As simple as it may sound, i said it. I sat in front of the blinking text icon and began to construct a completely different world. A world that sucks you in like quicksand. Gritty, unrelenting and full of fear. I found my voice. My outlet. I free balled! It didn’t stop there, i still had to live my life. I still had to make sure that my assessment items were on point, my work was getting completed and my brain wasn’t slowly escaping from my ear. I still had to be a responsible adult. So i shuffled a few things round, stopped and started a few times, and after 6 months – i was finished. Now there were still sleepless nights, stale coffee and hours spent at my desk, which i don’t think that will ever change, but there was also that feeling of completion with each chapter down. As well as tears. So many frustrated tears.

So after all of that, where back here, to a single question – what is a writer?  To which my answer is – I still don’t know. I do know that its about determination, it’s about wanting to free ball, and its about emerging yourself into another world, constructing it one brick at a time whilst keeping your real world alive and thriving. It’s about putting time and effort not only into yourself but into your ideas, your wants and essentially your desires. It’s about the sleepless nights, the stale coffee, the illegible etchings on the notepad you keep beside your bed. It’s about the fear you have in your gut, the romantic idealizations and the need to be heard. It’s about the words, the story and the feel of that shiver running down your spine as you finish the last chapter.

What is a writer? You tell me.

Posted in Blog, Blogging, Book, Crime, Crime Writer, Life, Lifestyle, Writing | Tagged , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Triumph in Motor City

First-Time Author on a Winner

First-Time Author on a Winner

What an interesting first week of the New Year it has been. there is the usual rush at the gym on January 1st, dying down to the usual handful of people by the late afternoon; The new loves; rekindling of old flames; reviving last years broken and disillusioned resolutions; and a half page article in Quest Newspapers on Daddy’s Girl with a not-so-flattering picture of yours truly. 2015 has gotten off to an interesting start indeed.

On Friday the January 2nd i put on a nice frock, dolled myself up and smeared a ‘mysterious’ smile on my face while I was photographed for the lifestyle section of South-West Quest Newspapers. To tell you the truth, it was one of the hardest things i have ever done! I don’t envy the models and beautiful people out there anymore, let me tell you. Just so you can experience my intriguing struggle – look mysterious. Right now. Pose your face in a way that is mysterious. It’s hard right? and what the hell is a ‘mysterious’ look. Automatically my mind conjurers up the image of a man/woman wearing a black or grey velvet fedora hat, with a large trench coat, dark rimmed glasses leaning up against the wall of a seedy alleyway reading a newspaper, nonchalantly of course. So how on earth do i top that look, or even attempt to replicate it. But after about 100 clicks of the camera and a period where i looked like the naughty librarian out of certain adult films, both the camera man and I were under the impression that i had ‘mastered’ the look. And i used that term very loosely.

The end progress, which i have only just seen is highly impressive. I look less like the naughty librarian, and more like an authentic crime writer, minus the fedora. Daddy’s Girl is highlighted perfectly and no one can even tell that the picture was taken in my house, let alone at my dining room table. I guess that’s the magic of correct lighting, flash devices and other gizmos in the photography world. The article itself, written by the lovely Rebecca Danslow, is fantastic! (If i do say so myself) It peaks ones interest in the book in a subtle way, as well as the author. Have a peruse of the article for yourselves and let me know what you think – I’m always intrigued to answer questions or hear your thoughts. Or even your experiences!
http://quest.newspaperdirect.com/epap…

All in all a brilliant start to 2015! What’s on the agenda now? I have another interview scheduled for another newspaper which will get underway sometime this week. Hopefully I’ll get asked to look ‘mysterious’ again – this time I’ll have it down pat!

Posted in Author, Brisbane, Crime, Crime Writer, Daddy's Girl, Horror, Lauren Bradshaw, Mystery, Quest Newspaper, South-West News, Suspense, Thriller | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment